Hard To Get
by Bun Kirkland
Summary: Dares are fun, unless it involves getting Gilbert Bielschmidt - the most popular boy in school - to fall in love with an invisible, Canadian and part-time asshole like myself.
1. The Bet

_[Matthew's P.O.V]_

Hello, my name is _motherfucking_ Matthew Williams and I am _motherfucking_ pissed because of _motherfucking_ Alfred Jones, my _motherfucking_ brother who is a _motherfucking_ douche bag.

You know that feeling when you just want to either get hit by a truck multiple times? Yeah, _that's_ how I'm feeling right now, all thanks of Alfred _motherfucking_ Jones.

Now don't go thinking that I'm just being a cunt because you don't know the whole story.

This whole shit storm started because Alfred and I loved to give each other dares. When we turned 16, we made a deal when we both got our drivers licenses and had to share a car. The deal was that we couldn't disagree to any bet, or else we had to pay the others car insurance for the rest of our lives. I thought that it was a good idea, since he honestly sucked ass at the dares I've given him over the years.

However, I forgot that Alfred F. Jones was the type of bastard who could do fucking anything once he set his mind to it. As soon as we made that deal, that bastard was doing everything that I told him to! Right down to flashing the principal!

So, yesterday I dared him to get Arthur Kirkland, an English 12th grade student –as well as the principals' son– to willingly kiss Alfred.

That Brit is a total priss with trust issues and large eyebrows. He's the kind of guy that feels the need to complain about every fucking thing wrong in everyone. Dude's a fucking control freak, but I can't say I don't love him...

Then, as "payback" (Even though I was helping him, everyone and their mother knows about their sexual tension!), he dared me to get this guy named Gilbert Bielschmidt, A.K.A Mr. Popular, A.K.A That cocky Albino… to fall in love with me.

Yeah that's right, fucking fall in love with _me!_ Matthew Williams! That four-eyed pussy who can't even speak in front of the class because of anxiety! The one who can think the talk, but can't actually talk that fucking talk! The one who isn't even noticed by _anyone_?

And if it hasn't already crossed your mind, I'm pretty fucking sure Gilbert is straight with all the girls he screws with!

Houston, I have a fucking problem here!

Okay I see that look in your eye. That look saying "Matthew, it's no big deal, just pay Alfred's car insurance." Sorry, but have you seen Alfred's driving? A monkey can drive better than him! I don't know about you, but I do not want to be held responsible for the payments of his future murders.

So yeah, I'm basically fucked.

_Motherfucking Alfred, just run me over a truck before I decide to run you over instead._


	2. Sleep Induced Amnesia

**Story has been edited as of 02/01/2014**

* * *

Fun fact about me: I'm not a light sleeper.

So when my alarm clock rang, I probably turned it off in my sleep or some shit like that.

In my defense, I was dreaming about Megan Fox x12 and how hot is that?

Stop looking at me like that, Megan Fox is drop dead gorgeous and we all know it… But that's beside the point.

Maybe I didn't even want to hear that alarm clock, I mean, who likes going to hell – I mean high school? Nobody's expecting me there anyways; I'm the king of invisibility. I'm under Harry Potter's clock of invisibility for life.

Hell, my mom doesn't even notice me sometimes. If she did, she probably would have woken me up by now.

The only silver lining is my twin brother, Alfred. Who notices me maybe 90% of the time? In the other 10%, he's either too turnt up to remember, or just plain forgetful.

Still half-asleep, I turned my head to the right to check the time on my alarm clock. I'm probably not _that_ late, am I?

In big red letters, the clock read: "**10:30**"

Well… Shit.

Now wide awake, I struggled to throw off the comforter I was under after just gaping at my clock for a minute or two. After successfully tossing them aside – remind me not to tuck in my blankets again – I got up, dashed straight to the bathroom, and hopped in for a shower.

Which isn't the best idea since I'm already an hour and a half late for school, but why the hell not? Personal hygiene meant a lot to me! (maybe if I smelled good people would notice me more Imeanwhat)

After taking my 15 minute shower, I dashed to my room, throwing on whatever wasn't in the laundry. I'm that weird kid that smelled good, but didn't really dress well.

I gave myself a quick check in the mirror, to see if I at least looked _decent_. And I did, faded blue jeans and a red hooded sweater with the word "_Canada_" on it was my normal look.

So I don't have the best sense of style, sue me.

I grabbed my backpack, wondering if I actually did my homework or not while charging down the stairs. The aroma of pancakes filled my nostrils.

I walked towards the scent of the pancakes, leading me to the kitchen. Upon entering the room I saw my mom: Emilia Jones; who was cooking in the kitchen.

Before you get confused, even though my mom's maiden name is Jones, I decided to keep my dad's last name when they got divorced. It's a long story you probably don't want to hear, so let's not get into details.

"Hey mom" I said absently, "How's it going?" At this point I really didn't care however, I just wanted some pancakes.

"Good morning sweetie!" She replied, flipping a pancake over before facing me, "why are you so dressed up today? Meeting someone?"

I blinked. "Mom, its Friday… I'm going to school." I said slowly, and then added as an afterthought, "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

A pause, and then…

"Matthew, are you sick?" She asked, placing her hand on my forehead.

_Huh?_

"No…" I answered slowly, "Are you…?"

She suddenly burst out laughing, leaving me confused. I just wanted to get some pancakes and go to school, why was she being so difficult?

"Wow, you really are sick if you think today's Friday." She said, turning her attention back to the pancakes, still chuckling. "It's _Saturday_ today."

Wait…

WAIT…

_WHAT THE FUCK?_

"Uh…" was all that came out of my mouth. I didn't want to swear around my mom, but I was thinking very _colorful_ words right now.

_Shit fuck ass fucking hell dick fuck shit crappy shitty ass motherfucking I can't even_

"Don't believe me? Check the news!" She gestured with her free hand to the family room. I warily nodded before heading in the room chanting in my head: _Please don't tell me it's Saturday._

As I walked down the hall to the family room, I could hear someone saying "But Artie! Ugh, fine."

Fuck, that better not be Alfred.

Oh who the fuck am I kidding, who else would be here?

I marched inside the family room, horror on my face when it was confirmed that _yes, Alfred was sitting right there_ and _no, I'm not dreaming_.

Grabbing the remote, I changed the channel to the news. And there it was, in tiny letters: _**Saturday, 9th of March, 2013.**_

Well supersize my fries and call me Alfred. It really was a Saturday.

_Fuck_.

Ignoring Alfred's "Dude, why are you dressed up today?" I walked back to the kitchen and ate my sorrows away with pancakes.

Good way to start the morning.


	3. How To Get Out of Gym Class

**Chapter edited 02/01/2014**

* * *

Well its Monday today (and it's actually Monday, don't worry.), 9:00 to be exact, the time school starts.

And you know what that means, right?

It's time for gym.

In comparison to the teenagers that try and do anything to get out of gym class, I actually enjoy it… And it's not just because our teacher is Katyusha Braginskaya.

Okay, maybe a little.

But you can't blame me, her tits are _beautiful_. Not that I don't appreciate girls with smaller breasts, but like ohmygodboobs

I'm really sorry I can't even think properly, but her boobs_ I mean_ Ms. Braginskaya just walked in the room. I'm not the only one who couldn't stop staring; all of the other guys in my class stopped what they were doing too. There's even one gross kid in my class who drools sometimes.

The rest of her body was easy on the eyes too. With her platinum blond hair that rests just above her shoulders, her auburn eyes and pale skin, she's actually really beautiful. She's not just eye candy though; she's also a woman with a big heart. Her personality is actually quite timid and motherly, which is another reason why I like her.

But as much as everyone likes her, her brother makes her untouchable.

His name is Ivan, who seems _sort of_ nice because he smiles a lot, but is actually _really scary_.

Actually 'really scary' doesn't even describe it. More like a monstrous demon with the eyes of a hawk and an evil mauve aura that surrounds his pale skin and platinum blonde hair and his fuchsia coloured lifeless eyes.

Don't look at me like I'm crazy, just ask around!

The sound of a whistle blowing snapped me out of my thoughts. "Alright everyone," Ms. Braginskaya announced, "we're going to be climbing ropes today!"

I stifled a groan. I _really_ hated ropes. One time, in middle school, we were being evaluated by our teacher on a number of things, including ropes. I was doing fine, until I heard laughter all around me and realized that I wasn't wearing my shorts anymore.

What's worse is that the day before, Alfred dared me not to wear my underwear.

You don't have to tell me it's such a cliché, I know. But it's not my fault that my gym shorts decided to fall down on me.

"Matthew, it's your turn!" Ms. Braginskaya called out, distracting me from my thoughts. She jogged over to me… with her boobs making a slight noise with every step she took.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god_

"Matthew?" She said softly distracting me – once again – out of my thoughts. She then put her right head on my forehead while leaning closer. "Are you feeling alright?"

At that point I realized that her boobs were squished against my chest.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god_

"Oh dear…" she said, with a worried look on her face, "You don't look too good; your face is getting all red. I don't think you should participate today…" She bit her lower lip. "Here, I'll let Alfred take you to the nurse."

I was afraid of what was going to come out of my mouth if I said anything, so I just nodded. She turned around to find Alfred, doing that jog of hers again, letting me compose myself.

Wait...

I'm getting out of gym?

Score you bitches.

Alfred walked over to me and grabbed my arm, literally escorting me (arm-in-arm) out of the gym.

"Oh you poor dear!" he said, feigning worry as we walked down the hallway. "Are you not feeling well?"

I chuckled. "Say what you want, but at least I'm not climbing a rope."

"Right, we wouldn't want a repeat of the 8th grade, now would we?" He asked, with a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes.

"Anyways," he said a bit quieter as we approached the nurse's office, "what you need is some time alone in the bathroom, not the nurse's office." With a grin, he gave me a slight push into the room and turned around to head back to the gym.

I was greeted with a plain white room filled with posters of body parts and a lady sitting on her desk doing some paperwork.

Thinking of nothing but Ms. Braginskaya, I cleared my throat a little.

"Hi Alfred!" she said, smiling sweetly at me, "What brings you here? Don't tell me you have digestive problems. I told you that eating too many hamburgers isn't good for you!"

I blinked. Alfred?

"Um… I'm not Alfred…" I said awkwardly, twiddling my thumbs, "I'm Matthew, Alfred's brother…"

"Oh! I'm sorry; you two just look so alike I can hardly tell!" She laughed, "So, what brings _you_ here?"

"I'm not really feeling w-well," I said, pausing to cough, "My head really hurts and I'm feeling kind of nauseous…"

So I'm not the best liar in town. At least I'm not Feliciano Vargas! He's definitely the worst. Well, I would have been if it weren't for Alfred's tutelage. Best big brother ever, I know.

"I see," she said while writing something down on a sheet of paper. "Well then, you may lie down on one of the cots until you feel better."

"Oh, alright, thanks—"I said, until she cut me off.

"Or you could go to the bathroom." She winked, "don't worry, those walls are soundproof."

I blinked in shock. How did she know?

"I-I'll just lie down, I-I'm really n-not f-feeling well…" I stuttered my way through, cursing myself in my head for lying so badly.

"Well, alright." She said with a smirk, indicating that she knew better.

I shuddered, walking to one of the cots and closed the curtain to give myself some privacy.

For the next half hour, I lied down on the cot thinking of nothing in particular. Hockey, maple syrup, pancakes, that I need to buy maple syrup from Wal-Mart on the way home, and how hot a threesome with me, Megan Fox and Jessica Alba would be.

Well, they would probably forget about me so it would just become Megan Fox and Jessica Alba.

Oh my god girl sex.

Ugh Matthew you just got rid of your boner, why are you doing this to yourself?

Fucking hormones, am I right?

My train of thought was cut off as I heard voices from the other side of the curtain. It was so quiet however, that it seemed muffled. I leaned towards the curtain with my body, trying to get a better listen on the conversation.

But all I heard was silence.

Oh... Does that mean the conversation is over?

That's a shame; I was always the nosy one. One perk of being invisible is that it allowed you to be nosy, since nobody noticed you anyways.

A small sound of a small screech of metal was heard, indicating that the curtain was opening. I decided to look up at the bastard that decided to open the curtain when it was clearly occupied–

I let out a surprised yelp.

It's Gilbert.


	4. Make It or Break It

_I let out a surprised yelp._

_It's Gilbert._

* * *

And cue the dreaded awkward silence.

God, it's just so awkward… and silent...

I mentally slapped myself in the face. Matthew, you have to focus! The guy who's supposed to fall in love with you is right in front of you! You better make a good fucking impression!

Oh, who am I kidding? Let's face it. He's _Mr. Hottie Lamatty with the Swimmers_ _Body_ and I'm _Mr. Nobody._ I'll just accept my defeat and pay Alfred's car insurance for the rest of my life. Just fuck me up the ass right now–

Wait…

I mean, I'm bisexual, but…

"Is Gilbert even straight?" I blurted out loud before I could stop myself.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck_–

"Well hello to you too." Gilbert said, a smirk playing on his lips. He closed the curtain, and moved my leg over to sit on the cot I was still lying down on.

I sat up, reluctantly making more room for him. This was good, right? We were getting closer… Now, just think of what to say and you'll be floating on the love boat train in no time Matthew!

I opened my mouth to speak, but Gilbert beat me to it.

"So what's your name?" He asked.

"Matthew. Matthew Williams." I replied softly, really nervous. First impressions are a make or break it and I sure as hell want the former and not the latter.

"Well hello Matthew Williams."

"It's just Matthew."

"Well hello just Matthew," Gilbert said with a grin. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "You look familiar. Have I seen you around before?"

"Well I've been at this school since I was a freshman so…" I said lamely.

"Really?" He asked, a little surprised, "Weren't you on the football team last year?"

I scowled a little before I could stop myself. "No, that's my brother Alfred." I replied, albeit bitterly. This is good, at least I'm not nervous anymore, just annoyed.

"I saw that."

I widened my eyes in surprise. "Saw what?"

"That scowl," he said, crossing his legs and turning his body to face me on the cot, "you're Alfred's little shadow, aren't you?"

I was surprised at his odd perceptiveness. "H-How did you know that?" I asked, voice barely a whisper. I looked into his crimson eyes, trying to see if he was just bullshitting me, but his eyes seemed serious… and it felt like he was… empathizing with me?

He looked like he was about to say something, but thought against it. "It's simple: because I'm awesome, just Matthew." He replied instead.

I didn't say anything in response, a little disappointed in his reply. I nodded a little, that nervous feeling crawling back as I looked at everything _but_ the red eyed Albino.

"Anyways, the name is Gilbert," he said, "but you obviously already knew that." I wasn't looking at him, but I'm pretty sure he popped his collar.

I nodded absently, trying instead of think of a new topic of conversation.

"So," _Mr. Hottie Lamatty with the Swimmers_ _Body_ said after a moment, "what brings you to the nurse's office?" I gritted my teeth in annoyance. Why did he get to ask all the questions?

"Ms. Braginskaya thought I was sick, so she told me to go here." I answered, trying my best to act calm.

"So is that why your 6 o'clock turned into a 12 o'clock?" He asked deviously, before doing this strange laugh that sounded like "Kesesese".

My face turned red, immediately covering my crotch area. "W-Why are you looking there in the first place?!"

He just laughed that strange laugh of his.

After I calmed down a little (didn't get over my embarrassment though), I decided it was now or never. Time for Matthew Motherfucking Williams to ask a question that will make Gilbert Bielschmidt fall in love with me!

"So," I started boldly enough, "why are you here in the nurse's office?"

I mentally groaned. That was not the kind of question I wanted to ask. Way to fucking go, Matthew _Motherfucking_ Williams.

"Well Just Matthew, Mr. Tino is a gullible ass bitch! I told him I was feeling dizzy and was feeling a migraine coming on." He replied, taking out the – of course – latest model of the iPhone.

I frowned a little, muttering more to me than to him, "he's not a bitch…" I quite liked Mr. Tino. He reminded me a bit like Ms. Braginskaya, since they were both sweet and caring.

He rolled his eyes, clicking on the _Candy Crush Saga_ app. "Anyway, the way I did it was totally awesome. It was English class so we were reading fucking _Romeo and Juliet!_ We were 20 minutes in when I decided I would rather stab myself in the eye than read anymore of it." Pause. "_Shit shit shit shit" _he chanted, focusing on his game.

"I see…" I said, waiting for him to continue.

He let out a cry of joy after a few seconds, and then continued, "Yeah so then I raised my hand was like: _sir I don't feel well, I've been getting these massive headaches because Ludwig_ – he's my brother by the way – _and I have been preparing the school dance_ – which is totally a lie because I'm way too awesome to plan a school dance, let alone be seen there – _so is it alright if I go rest?_ And he totally believed me, he even told me to feel better! I know, my plan was pretty awesome, you don't have to hold the applause." He let out a laugh, which was replaced by a horrified gasp.

"Fuuuuuuck" he said, closing his game and tossing it on the cot. "_Candy Crush Saga_ sucks shit anyway; I'm way too awesome for it."

I sighed, and then grabbed his phone. "_Candy Crush_ seems to be too awesome for you, if you can't even beat the 21st level," I said, not really paying attention to what I was saying, because he sucked serious ass at Candy Crush and he's mocking it, _mocking it, _when it takes serious skill to play this game. I clicked on the app – who doesn't have a password on their phone though, seriously – and began to play.

If I had been paying attention to something other than the game, I would have noticed Gilbert's surprised reaction.

"Ouch." He said, smirking. "I'm _so_ hurt by your lame insults."

"Well that sucks for you, doesn't it?" I muttered, way too focused on the game.

"Nice comeback, where did you get that one?" He asked voice full of sarcasm.

"From my brain, but you wouldn't understand." I retorted.

"I'm awesome, you're not, end of story." He said with an air of authority in his voice.

"If you were so awesome, you would have completed such an easy level of Candy Crush." I said, satisfied at my high score for the three levels I beat for him. I tossed the phone on his lap.

And then after a few seconds I realized all the things I said and immediately became flustered. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have i-insulted you—"

"Don't sweat it," he said with a lopsided grin, "You're pretty okay just Matthew."

And then, he smiled. It wasn't that smirk he did the whole time we talked, but a small genuine smile that seemed to fit him better. _What's going on? Are we having a moment?_

I jumped in surprise as the bell suddenly rang, looking at the clock. When I looked back at him, he had that smirk back on.

"Oh that's the bell. You're feeling better right?" He asked, feigning worry.

I nodded, my face blushing just a little bit.

"Good. So am I thanks for asking." He let out a grin and stood up. "Well, you're welcome for gracing you with my presence. Well, later, just Matthew."

"Bye…" I waved awkwardly.

He opened the curtain and almost walked out, but instead said "And by the way…" He turned to face me. "I'm bisexual."

And with that, he left, leaving me sitting on that cot surprised, and a little turned on.


End file.
